


Maybe We Could Make Music Together?

by burnmeumi



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/F, kinda'
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 07:03:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10939410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burnmeumi/pseuds/burnmeumi
Summary: It's only been a few months since μ's disbanded and the third years graduated, but Maki's already missing those days. After months of being unable to write or play, an unexpected visitor comes and begins to change Maki's entire life with one, simple sentence."Maybe we could make music together?"





	1. Here Comes the Sun

* * *

I sighed softly, my fingers running along the pristine keys of the school's grand piano. It'd been just like this for months now, ever since the (former) third years graduated and μ's had disbanded. No matter how long I sat here, or how hard I tried, I just couldn't bring myself to play or write like I used to. Everything felt... empty, lifeless, as if there wasn't any point to being here.

And, quite honestly, I knew it was pointless in the long run. Daddy had made it very clear that the… “stint”, as he called it, with μ’s was only to happen until the school had either been saved or was still under risk of being shut down. And after that year, I was to devote the rest of my time at Otonoki to studying anatomy, biology, and chemistry, trying to get into a medical program at Toudai until I could get into medical school.

So really, this entire thing  _ was _ pointless. I should be studying, or brushing up on anatomy, or…  _ something _ instead of sitting in front of this…  _ reminder _ of what I had and what I lost. But… I couldn’t. Everything reminded me of μ’s—even when I was studying or just trying to destress, I could still hear all the songs I wrote, and still saw all the performances we had.

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

It was an accident, unintentional, but the scream came out of my mouth and my fingers slammed onto the keys without a second thought, the noise reverberating through the room. I started shaking, my nerves going haywire and tears pooling up in my eyes. I couldn’t stand it—I couldn’t  _ stand it! _

No matter  _ how long _ and no matter  _ how hard _ I tried, I just  _ couldn’t _ —

And then I heard a knock on the door, slow and tentative. “J-Just a second!” I called out, trying to get control of my nerves and force back the tears. I didn’t want a first year to see me like—

“Maki? Are you okay?”

I stopped for a bit. The slow and tentative knock was Honoka?  _ Honoka? _ The two of us had barely even spoken since the year started, she’d been busy with Umi and the rest of the student council, so… why did she come here? 

“C-Come on in!” No,  _ idiot _ , don’t let her hear that stutter. I stood up and wiped whatever tears were left when I heard the door slide open, hoping I wasn’t shaking as badly as I felt like I was.

I took a brief second to look at Honoka,  _ really _ look at Honoka for the first time since our last concert as μ’s. She looked… different, from her second year. Good, as great as she’d always looked, but… different. Older, more mature (though I wasn’t sure how true that was), and a little more… tired. She’d stopped wearing the sidetail that she’d worn, as far as I was aware, for a little over a decade now, instead tying her hair loosely and lower, just above the inwards curve of her neck. Her hair had also darkened, looking more auburn than the orange it used to.

But her eyes were what had changed the most, from what I could tell. Gone was the almost endless lustre that used to rest in them, replaced with a dull content with her life. And her eyes were framed with deep bags, bags I could tell she’d tried to cover up with makeup but didn’t want to be too obvious (even if the chairwoman was one of her best friend’s mother and she was the “saviour of the school”, she still had to follow the rules).

Honoka gave me a soft smile, her eyes lighting up like they used to and her features growing a little less strained. “Hey Maki,” she said, her voice… unusually soft, a tone I’d only known her to use when trying to convince Umi that she hadn’t done anything wrong, or to try to convince Eli to do something that the girl didn’t  _ exactly _ want to do. “How’ve ya’ been?”

I gave her a strained smile, but by the tightening of her face again, I knew she didn’t buy it. I let out a soft sigh, sitting back down on the piano bench. “Not, uh…” I tried to choose my words carefully, I didn’t want her to think she was at fault for anything (not like I didn’t know she’d blame herself anyway). “…Not exactly the best,” I admitted, looking away from her.

She let out a soft sigh too, followed by a gentle and awkward laugh. “I, uh…” she started, coughing a little, “I could kinda’ tell.” Her voice still held that awkward tone to it, like she wasn’t talking to someone she’d been friends with. Weren’t we still friends? Were we only friends because of μ’s?

A well of anger pooled in me.  _ Were _ we really only friends because of μ’s? Were Hanayo, Rin, and I only friends because of μ’s? That would explain why neither of the two girls have spoken to me either. “What d’you want,” I bit out, my temper getting the best of me.  _ Damn it girl, don’t let your emotions get the best of you _ .

In the corner of my eye I saw Honoka flinch, and guilt raced through me.  _ Of course  _ we were friends for more than just μ’s, it’s  _ Honoka _ . She’d just been busy.

“S-Sorry, I uh…” she took a deep breath. “I noticed your grades haven’t been what they used to be.” No need to remind me, daddy did it often enough. “And so I thought I should come and see how you were doing.”

I let out a long sigh, turning back to the piano and resting my hands back on the keys. “It’s… been rough,” I said. “Having no one to talk to after last year, and with how… demanding daddy’s been this year…” My voice trailed off, my fingers starting to glide along the keys for the first time in months.

“Have Hanayo and Rin not—”

My fingers slammed on the keys again, interrupting Kitto Seishun, as I felt the anger again. “I haven’t  _ spoken _ to  _ either _ of them for months,” I bit out. “Haven’t even  _ seen _ them, we’re not in the same class anymore.”

Honoka hummed and leaned against the cupboards. “I’m sorry I didn’t seek you out sooner.” I looked up from the piano and at her. Her eyes were looking away and out the window, narrowed and contemplative as I’d seen Eli’s many times. “I’ve been so busy with classes, kendo, the student council…” Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. “Look at me, just making excuses,” she laughed. “I’d assumed Hanayo and Rin would still talk to you to make sure you were handling everything okay, so I never made the effort because of it. And with Kotori leaving too…”

I flinched a little at that too. After our final performance, Kotori had received another invitation to study at a prestigious tailoring school in Europe, and with nothing keeping her in Japan anymore, the girl took the offer up.

It was quiet for a bit, before Honoka spoke again. “Hey, Maki?” I looked back at her, the girl’s hand running along the cupboard she was leaning against. “You wouldn’t happen to know of a… guitar or anything being here, would you?”

“A guitar?”

“Not an expensive one!” she hurried, blushing a little red and laughing awkwardly. “J-Just like an old acoustic would work, I don’t need—”

I interrupted her. “I meant,  _ why _ a guitar? I never took you for a guitarist.”

The “and what does this have to do with me” went unspoken.

“O-Oh, well uh…” she looked away. “Well, Eli taught Umi and I the basics when we were kids, and I was the only one that really kept at it…” Her voice trailed off, and her body relaxed again. It was almost an entire minute before she spoke again. “I also wanted to keep you company while you were here.” She looked back at me and smiled, her eyes regaining a bit of the shine that I remembered. “Maybe we could make some music together?”

My breath caught in my throat and my heart stopped. Did—Did Honoka really want to make music with  _ me _ ? Not Umi? Just the thought of making music again, playing music again, with someone from μ’s—recapturing those moments and memories from last year made me want to say “yes”.

But I hesitated. What if it took away from my study time? What if it disappointed daddy—

No, I want this. I  _ want _ to make music again, to play music again, even if it angered my dad. I was already willing to live  _ his _ dream for him, I should be allowed to do the things I like in my free time.

I gave the girl a gentle smile, trying to hide the excitement and the sheer  _ joy _ I was feeling. “I guess if you can find a guitar—”

I was knocked off the stool by a “tackle hug”.

“Thank you Maki!”

* * *

 


	2. I Want to Share an Extreme Dream With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot has changed for her over just a few months- so much so, that Honoka can't even recognise herself as herself, no matter how hard she tries. So much so, that she can only see someone else, and oh how she wishes she could be that person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is from Honoka's point of view, and is meant to give some insight on what's going on with her and her mental state. So, be aware and be prepared for that. Maki does not appear, and plot is not advanced in anyway with the chapter, and I do apologise for that.

* * *

I woke up before my alarm again, just like I have every day for the last couple months—and always the same time; 5:30AM. Half an hour to get out of bed, get dressed, grab something to take for breakfast, and jog to the Kanda shrine.

Except I wasn’t doing that anymore, I hadn’t been since we disbanded. And I’d tried telling my body that, been going to bed later and later until it got to the point of only getting a couple of hours of sleep a night, just so I could try to sleep past this infernal hour. But it just… never happened. No matter how late I fell asleep, I would always wake up at the same time—5:30.

And I couldn’t fall back asleep. At first it was because of the crying, realising and remembering that μ’s _didn’t exist_ anymore, that I had no reason to be awake so early. But now… now it’s so I can get control of myself, of my emotions, so I don’t become a crying or nervous wreck again—I already told myself I’d stop that in elementary school, I wasn’t going to allow myself to become that again.

My eyes glanced at the mirror and I stopped, rubber band in my mouth and hands working at getting my hair into the lower ponytail I’d been wearing for the last few months.

I… it was hard to recognise myself. My hair was darker, longer—my eyes… Umi, Kotori, Eli… everyone from μ’s used to say that one of my charm points was my energy and the “life sparkling” in my eyes.

Oh, if only Eli, Nozomi, and Nico could see me now.

I shut my eyes roughly, trying to stop the tears that started prickling at them. I finished tying my hair back and turned away from the mirror without opening my eyes, refusing to see my reflection.

I quietly walked back to my room, trying not to wake mom or dad up (Yukiho had already left, gone to do her training with Arisa, Rin, and Hanayo), and slowly shut the door. I walked over to my bed and grabbed the old, weathered acoustic that was on a stand next to it.

Holding the guitar in my hands sent a wave of relaxation through me, and a small smile graced my face. After a couple days and some asking around, miss Minami was actually able to find a guitar for me to use—an old Greco GR28 in storage at the school.

I rested the guitar on my thigh, and slowly started to strum- the chords to Snow halation came naturally. I let the calming waves of the song and the memories wash over me, feeling my nerves relax and my muscles soften.

But it was only for the length of the song, for as soon as I played the final chord, the tears came rushing back, and I could feel my nerves start to vibrate again. I tried to gain control of myself, to keep myself from audibly sobbing so I wouldn’t wake up my parents.

I successfully, carefully, set the guitar back on its stand before falling onto my bed, curling up and bringing one of my old stuffed animals close to me to muffle my sobs.

“I hate this,” I rasped, clutching the toy closer to me.

And really, I did. I hated it so much. The constant crying, the loss of sleep—I’d taken to trying to cover up the dark circles around my eyes with makeup, so people wouldn’t ask questions. Umi noticed, of course she did.

And it wasn’t hard to tell, she’d have noticed even if I looked fine physically. Because _I’d_ changed, and I _hated_ what I’d changed into. Not because of the change, but because I…

…I didn’t know who _I_ was anymore. I’d become more studious, both to Umi’s pleasure and discomfort, and I’d started taking my role as student council president seriously. I’d started eating healthier, and so little of my free time was spent reading manga or… or training.

I’d even picked kendo backup, hoping having to balance the studying, student council work, and practice/competitions would take my mind off of μ’s and what I’d become. Even if I knew that it was me, my body and my mind, it just didn’t _feel_ like me. It felt like…

…It felt like Eli, it felt like I was trying to be Eli.

I knew I’d had to change eventually, that second year Kousaka Honoka wouldn’t be able to sustain herself as student council president in her third year. But I didn’t feel like I’d changed into a newer, better Honoka. I just felt like I was copying Eli, trying to be someone else so I could ignore the loss of my three best friends and two more of my closest friends.

I choked back another sob, clutching the toy as hard as I could. I knew, I _knew_ it wasn’t all three, but at times it felt like I’d lost Umi too—she and Eli had started dating before Eli graduated, and a lot of her free time was spent with her girlfriend.

And I couldn’t fault her for that, she deserved to be happy and spend time with her girlfriend. I just…

I just wish she was spending that time with me.

…No, it wasn’t right to go down that path. She was happy, and that’s what mattered. I just need to find a way to be happy, or at the least content and stable, without her.

I just wish that didn’t require me to not be me anymore.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I apologise for the lack of plot advancement. I hope you enjoyed it though, the next chapter will be a plot advancing one.
> 
> (Also I didn't intend for this to have the one-sided HonoUmi but it just kind of happened and despite how much I hate the amount of angsty one-sided HonoUmi, I let it stay)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so I was writing another HonoUmiKanan chapter and then another one of my friends talked about an idea they had for a story, and well. This sorta' happened. Unlike the HonoUmiKanan stuff, this will be multi-chaptered and will follow an actual narrative structure, though I can't say whether it'll stay first person or alternate between chapters.
> 
> Like my other works, this will be a blending of manga/novel and animeverse, as well as a couple of my own headcanons.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter, a second should be coming soon!


End file.
